I’ve done a lot of self reflection on my mindset as our wedding approaches. Reflecting on whether 19 year old me thought this is what it would feel or be like.
From a planning perspective, I probably expected the process to be as it has been. None of the tasks individually are particularly stressful, it’s the cumulation of them that becomes exhausting. A constant to-do list hanging in the back of one’s mind.
I think what 19 year old me didn’t expect, was the self-inflicted pressure and fear of making a wrong choice.
This is THE EVENT of one’s life, as society has programmed us to believe. So I want to enjoy the planning and linger in being engaged. It only comes once in a lifetime, right?! But the societal pressure started becoming such a weight. Trying to choose styles that I thought were classic and timeless, so I wouldn’t look back in a few years and have regrets. Viewing all the wedding inspo on social media had me questioning what styles or aesthetic I did want for our wedding. There’s so many directions you can go, all beautiful, how could I narrow it down?
Social media provides so much inspiration in a positive way, but also in an overwhelming way. I never had a specific vision for my wedding, other than as I got older, knowing I wanted it to be small and I had always loved the idea of having it somewhere that all guests could stay together and be close to one another. So that we could really soak up each other’s company. Because of the lack of specific vision for my wedding, social media has been more overwhelming than helpful, and causes me to second guess.
It was the same for dress shopping. Generally I knew of styles that I did not want, but many of the dresses I tried on I thought were beautiful and could have been “the one”. I felt so much internal pressure though to make sure I was making the right choice, worried I would regret what I picked. I tried probably close to 80 different dresses. I did not have a crying, “this is the one” moment, but I felt beautiful in the dress I ended up choosing.
I don’t want to be disappointed in my final choices. I’ve surprised myself with this pressure, and how indecisive I’ve been due to it. Pre-technology and social media, you generally didn’t know what other people were doing for their weddings. There was no comparison, or endless ideas to reference, constant new trends to consider incorporating(i.e. phone message guestbooks). I’ve become so fatigued thinking about all the options and decisions, that I begin to think “I don’t care!”, but then I tell myself I MUST care, otherwise I might end up being upset the day of for my choices, because I didn’t care more! A vicious cycle.
What’s helping me is trying to focus on the emotional environment and experience we’re hoping to have with our loved ones. When I think about the weddings I’ve attended myself, I don’t remember our place cards or the silverware choice. But we do remember if we had a good time or not. If something was particularly funny, or an emotional moment. I want my-self, and our guests, to walk away feeling like our cups are full. That feeling you get after a really good girls trip, or catching up with an old friend, a good heart-to-heart. As cheesy as that sounds. This is what’s important. We’ll never have this exact group of people together again, and it’s a wonderful thing to cherish.
I also reassure myself the details we’ve chosen (let’s be real, mostly me) will be the right ones. A reflection of us in this moment of time. And if I’m not fully pleased, no one else will care, and I need to let the feeling pass over – because it truly doesn’t matter!
Many have given me the same advice – the bride and groom set the tone. Since we’re spending 3 days with our guests, I’m reminding myself that we decide how this goes, and the flowers aren’t going to impact that. Wedding planning IS in fact death by a thousand paper cuts, but I remind myself that the day of, all that matters is being present and enjoying the company I’m surrounded by.
